This is my newsletter #38: Rhea Khanna
Flirting with Hope
I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day
When it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May
~ The Temptations
Our earth (or at least my part of the world) is currently spinning on an axis of fear, anger, worry, and hurt. And that’s important. Our spinning gives us days and nights to fill with supreme humanness. And anger, worry, and hurt are all a part of that. But the Earth also revolves around a little (understatement) bright thing called the sun. And that’s just as important too. It brings us seasons. And seasons bring us change. And change? Well that brings hope.
If you’re hurting, I’m not here to tell you to halt the turning top of emotions and spin it backwards. I’m just here to point to the sun. So that together, just for a split second today, we collectively feel the ~ HEAT ~ of hope. That’s right… hope isn’t bland, lacklustre, or vanilla. Hope is passionate. Hope is sexy. Hope is just WAITING for us to take her out on another date for goodness sake!
So if you’re feeling a little out of practice – it might’ve been a while since you last saw each other, or you might’ve not even met at all (don’t worry, first dates are like ripping off a band-aid), here are 5 tips to score a date with hope no matter where you are in the world.
And if you’re not ready yet – and that's okay – give yourself the time you need, so that when you do approach hope, it isn’t just a half hearted "u up?" text in the middle of the night, but the start of the greatest romance of all time.
See yourselves as equals
Never, and I mean never, go into a date thinking that it’s too good to be true…
Hope isn’t "too good" for you, and honestly, you aren’t "too good" for hope either. It’s time to remove the pedestal under whomever you’ve placed it, and stop making excuses for it not working out. It’s in that moment when you realize that you can cherish moments of Hope even in the most desolate of times without feeling guilty, or that someone as “practical” as you can hold a little space for optimism now and then, you suddenly feel your A-game return. So, when you’re seeking Hope out next, make sure you’re doing it from a place of confidence (that you can and deserve hope even when you’re in your sweatpants binging on ice-cream) and respect (that you know she will do you some good)!
Here’s a little nudge from Alain de Botton in case you’re still unsure (or if my metaphor skills aren’t as good as I thought):
“If optimism is important, it’s because many outcomes are determined by how much of it we bring to the task. It is an important ingredient of success. This flies in the face of the elite view that talent is the primary requirement of a good life, but in many cases the difference between success and failure is determined by nothing more than our sense of what is possible and the energy we can muster to convince others of our due. We might be doomed not by a lack of skill, but by an absence of hope. Today’s problems are rarely created by people taking too sunny a view of things; it is because the troubles of the world are so continually brought to our attention that we need tools that can preserve our hopeful dispositions.” – Art as Therapy, Alain de Botton
Set expectations and boundaries going in
Now that we know our potential date, Hope (in case anybody forgot that this is an attempt at a metaphor and not actual dating tips… although they could probably work either way), is just like us, it’s time to be honest about what you want!
It’s okay to want your space and not have Hope over all the time. But it’s also important to know that hope won’t always stay once we invite her over! Don’t worry she’ll be back (just make sure she knows where the spare key is).
Make the first move!
As Daisaku Ikeda says, Hope is a decision. And as I say, confidence is hot. So, take that courageous step and decide to bring in a little hope today. Hope isn’t blind positivity, but the conviction that uncertainty creates space for action. And that action is what can lead us to a little more good.
So, what does making the first move look like? Seeking Hope out and being intentional with where we place our energy! On social media, I like to direct a lot of mine toward Instagrams like @sahdsimone because there’s no way this man can’t lift your spirits and redirect that energy that was going off track, @baumgartnerrestoration because watching art restoration videos is definitely a form of therapy – but don’t quote me on that, and @thegreatwomenartists because for me, nothing beats looking at exceptional art AND celebrating women in one go! Don’t worry, I’m equally functional and try to be intentional off social media, by currently reading Untamed, doing breathwork (I know… I’m one of those, I’m so sorry), Yoga with Adriene (it’s free!), and painting my nails (another form of therapy that’s certified in my head). Finally, I just get really excited when I come across organizations that are shifting the tides! Here are two that are changing how and where we experience art: MTArtAgency, St+artIndia.
Reminder: we get to choose what we see or hear. Dates don’t just fall into our lap. Even dates with Hope. The trick is finding a balance between serendipitous meetings with information and conscious meet-cutes (which I personally love because why leave what you need to chance?!).
Consider a wing-team
Sometimes we all need a little back-up! It’s hard to do everything alone, so we shouldn’t feel like we need to. One of the biggest sources of sunshine and Hope are the people around you (trust me, I learned this from The Bold Type – FYI: on Netflix in India & Hulu in the US). So, have them set you up!
Follow up!
And finally, remember that you can always return to Hope. No matter where you are, how you feel, or what day it is, Hope is out there in the world and there is no right or wrong time to sit down with her. Sometimes, she’s even closer than you think (like riiiight within YOU–I know, how exciting!). Leaving you with these words:
I wish I could show you,
When you are lonely or in darkness,
The Astonishing Light
Of your own Being!
– Hafiz
So, there you have it, you little flirt! I most sincerely Hope you get lucky tonight and all nights moving forward! Here’s to together making this day, week, new month, and the second half of the year a freakin LOVEFEST. Cause god knows we need one.
With love and hope,
Rhea