This is my newsletter #27: Namita Sunil

I am writing this newsletter at a time when the heft of the word ‘pandemic’ has softened, and everyone seems to be holidaying in Goa. I am not desperate to travel or relax. I am one of those people who were brutally, excruciatingly productive in 2020. I do not indulge in Netflix. I do not procrastinate. I do not ‘waste’ my time. Or rather, I do my best not to. 

I was not always like this. After graduating from college in 2019, I had settled into a gap year. I had wanted it to be glorious - of course I’d figure out everything right away. I will lose weight. I will create so much art. I will make so much money. Just you watch. Instead, that year saw me at my laziest, slumpiest, saddest self. I do not regret this. I needed that year.

But 2020 gave me oodles of time, and I knew that if I was the same this year, my mind would give out. At least in 2019 I had my friends during the whole sorry time. This time, I was on my own. I decided to use this time to upskill my illustration skills and figure out my career path. I am still figuring it out.

I want to talk about the process of learning. This alchemical transformation between cluelessness and knowing. I am a master at learning now. Not at what I am actually attempting to learn, but st ill. Here is a lovely video with the wisdom of Ira Glass that encouraged me to keep pushing myself when things got tough.

The thing about honing a creative craft is that there's no distinct way to see if you've become any better. Who decides what is objectively good art and all that. I have slowly come to realise that the only way to know is to listen to a soft whisper deep from within you. That doesn’t care about the opinions of other people, or the likes and shares your work gets. It would get very tough in between, but I'd jam it out. Here's a playlist of my current favorite music artist. He's very punk. I could be careless again while listening to him.

And here’s a few posters I’d designed because I love him that much, if you’re interested.
https://www.behance.net/gallery/111826853/ENJOY-Poster-Design

Learn. Relearn. Make plans. Remake them. This was my 2020. I read and wrote and noted and organised and all of that. And I might not Netflix, but I Youtube. This is a speech by my favourite author, David Foster Wallace, that helped me recalibrate the way I viewed my career and helped redefine what success meant to me.

What kept me going was that I could see that I was getting better at learning, and actually starting to become that scary person up in the first para of this newsletter. It was satisfying, and I was impressed with myself. 

Then, I started to learn to ride a bicycle.

I am 23 years old.

There is no intellect in learning how to ride a bicycle. You can't research it. Jotting down notes in a book does not help. There seemed to be no crutches. In my case, no training wheels.

My neighbour was kind enough to offer me lessons. He heaved the bike along and I pedalled. We started to move precariously. I have no idea who did the actual work.  

A little kid zoomed by on his little kid cycle.

We wobbled along together. I was humbled at how difficult it was. But there is a liberation in simply doing. There is barely any calculation. You show up and you do your best. 

I had no idea an hour passed by. 

I gave my neighbour a lime juice back home, and he showed me a video of a car balancing on only the two tyres on its right side. Less awesome, more theatrical - to me, anyway. This car and a bicycle were still in the same realm of impossibility for me after all. He promised to come back at the same time for tomorrow’s session. I looked back at my lesson today - I usually do this with my art. What did I learn today? Was the time I’d spent worth it? Am I worth it? My cycling had barely improved. It did not matter. I’d realised that sometimes, the only thing you can do to get better is to just do.

P.S - there are in fact, Youtube tutorials on how to ride a bike. I looked them up immediately after I finished writing this, before my next biking lesson. The internet is a swell place.

Hello! My name is Namita. You can see me model and draw @vantagold. Thank you very much for your time on my newsletter!

And thank you always Roh, for giving my voice a platform. I highly appreciate it, I mean it.

Love and warmth,
Namita